… and started thinking about the individual strategies teams seem to live by. I should be finishing a long over-due post about Mike Richards and Jeff Carter winning the Cup, but I did this instead.
The Anaheim Ducks: When in doubt go watch a Disney film.
The Boston Bruins: When in doubt be crazy.
The Buffalo Sabres: When in doubt spend a lot of money on locker rooms.
The Calgary Flames: When in doubt maybe consider finding a new GM.
The Carolina Hurricanes: When in doubt go find a Staal.
The Chicago Blackhawks: When in doubt change up your lines.
The Colorado Avalanche: When in doubt put a foot on your jerseys.
The Columbus Blue Jackets: When in doubt demand the sun and moon for your star player.
The Dallas Stars: When in doubt buy a foam sword for the locker room.
The Detroit Red Wings: When in doubt be old and grizzled.
The Edmonton Oilers: When in doubt draft another forward.
The Florida Panthers: When in doubt sign all the unsigned players.
The Los Angeles Kings: When in doubt make Jonathan Quick do all the work.
The Minnesota Wild: When in doubt exist, apparently.
The Montreal Canadiens: When in doubt have an average height of 5 foot 9.
The Nashville Predators: When in doubt remind people that Carrie Underwood likes you best.
The New Jersey Devils: When in doubt go find a player whose last name starts with Z.
The New York Islanders: When in doubt have a never-ending rebuilding process.
The New York Rangers: When in doubt block every shot ever taken.
The Ottawa Senators: When in doubt rely on the coaching skills of Paul McLean’s mustache.
The Philadelphia Flyers: When in doubt find yet another goalie.
The Phoenix Coyotes: When in doubt rely on the goodwill of taxpayers.
The Pittsburgh Penguins: When in doubt ignore irrelevant concepts like ‘defence’.
The San Jose Sharks: When in doubt choke during the playoffs.
The St. Louis Blues: When in doubt be so unknown to me that I can’t even come up with something to mock you about.
The Tampa Bay Lightning: When in doubt distract people with Tesla coils.
The Toronto Maple Leafs: When in doubt get one point during overtime.
The Vancouver Canucks: When in doubt fall over for absolutely no reason.
The Washington Capitals: When in doubt learn from history and have the heroic backup goalie be your own this time.
The Winnipeg Jets: When in doubt find players who don’t like parks.
I will forever be sadden that Parise’ name is Zarise.
Posted by batmaneatsbabie | June 24, 2012, 1:57 am*isn’t, I mean. Damn 3 AMs
Posted by batmaneatsbabie | June 24, 2012, 1:58 am